It's Early Decision Time—How to Help your Teenager Deal with Acceptances, Deferrals, and Rejections
We have had the pleasure to be a part of your child’s educational process (sometimes for years), which means we want to celebrate successes with notes of pride and care, and we want to help your children integrate disappointment so that they can process and move on with even greater confidence.
Here are our tips for helping your child manage the ED process:
Acceptances are cause for celebration (of course!)—we cherish the moment when everything our kids have worked so hard for comes together, and they can revel in the joy and excitement of all that is to come.
Let us know! We want to celebrate too!
At some point over winter break, make sure your kid knows that admission is contingent—they still need to keep those grades up and be committed members of their school communities.
Remind your children that some of their peers are really hurting in the face of rejection and that celebrations are best done at home and with the grown-ups who have been rooting for them for so long.
Tell us t-shirt sizes please—we like to celebrate with presents!
We know deferrals are really tough for our kids—there’s the disappointment of not getting accepted and the uncertainty of, well, uncertainty. We see deferrals as a time to strategize with your counselor about next steps.
Know the school that deferred your child. For some schools, a deferral is a polite rejection. For others, the main pool still offers a strong shot. Talk to your counselor about the feedback on your application and your position moving forward.
Strengthen your application! This is the time to figure out what went wrong and to add additional information (super strong grades, a recently-won prize, better supplementary essays).
Make a plan for ED 2. Many schools do offer ED 2 options, which may be appealing in the face of a deferral from a first choice. If your child plans to go into the regular pool instead, make sure they understand the statistics and are comfortable with all of the schools on their list.
Let us know so that we can help. We’ve been through this before, and we are here to help advise, connect you with the right resources, and debrief with your child.
Watching your child suffer is never easy, and as parents, we all find it tempting to try to take away that pain, but tolerating rejection (and moving on from it) builds grit and leaves our children better prepared to face adulthood.
Validate! Rejection hurts and acknowledging that helps. We try to validate our students with sentences like: “I see how hard this is” or “of course you feel upset and angry right now” without diminishing the pain or trying to fix the problem.
Tell us! We know your teenagers and can help reframe these experiences in the context of our experience.
Strategize. Once the initial shock and disappointment has passed, it’s time to strategize and get excited about new options. I’ve talked to a lot of teenagers through this moment, and I’m here to help make decisions during a difficult time.
